Don't Compete With Yourself By Nick Corcodilos

This article is based on the "Master Your Attitude" chapter of Nick's book, Ask The Headhunter.

A headhunter often discovers that a job candidate has a very powerful competitor: himself. A job candidate can be his own worst enemy. He can undermine his efforts without realizing it. This is common in interviewing. While you are trying to perform well, you inadvertently do things that prevent you from achieving your goal.

Part of a headhunter's job is to coach a candidate to avoid "competing with himself". People compete with their own efforts to succeed in two main ways.

Preparedness
First, a candidate's efforts can be undermined because he or she is unprepared. You know what you want, but you have not done what is necessary to achieve it.

Perhaps you didn't know where to get the information you needed to prepare for your meeting. Perhaps you just didn't devote the time necessary to study and think. Or, you thought your knowledge about a subject was exemplary, but you were surprised to learn it wasn't.  Whatever the reason, you have sabotaged your own efforts. The ignorant part of you is competing with the part of you that wants this job. Which part do you think will win?

Self-control
Second, you undermine your efforts when you are not in control of yourself. You're scared. Anxious. Apprehensive. Lacking confidence. Some of the most talented, well-prepared people fall apart when they have to perform in an interview. If they can't perform, it doesn't matter how skilled they are. The capable part of them is competing with the scared part. The stronger part will win.

Let's approach each of these problems separately.

You are unprepared
It's demeaning to find your own ignorance doing the talking in an interview. You can sit and talk all you want about yourself, your experience, your accomplishments, your skills, your strengths and your past jobs.

But, your interview will be just like all the other misguided interviews that happen every day. You will be sabotaging yourself, because you won't be talking about the one thing that makes a manager automatically start thinking about hiring you: the job. You won't be talking about the job because you won't know anything about it, or about the company that owns the job, or about the customers who benefit from the job. You're not prepared to help the employer. There is nowhere for you to go. All you can do is fake it. And that's not what winning a job offer is about.

If you are in an interview when you realize you are not prepared, for whatever reason, there is only one solution. Be forthright about it. End the interview and tell the manager you are not prepared for what needs to be discussed. Apologize. Ask to re-schedule your meeting, if you really think you can prepare yourself for it. You will probably not get a second chance, but you can try.

Either way, you will leave the interview with a little self-respect. If you fake it, you might succeed and get an offer. An incompetent interviewer might even think you're a pretty good interviewee. Believe me, some employers would hire you. But you will have competed with the lowest part of yourself, and your lowest part will have won. Good luck, to you and to the guy who hires you.

You are scared
Being completely prepared will go a long way toward reducing your anxiety about an interview. But, many people still feel anxious in interviews due to recollections of past unhappy interview experiences. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's natural for those old feelings to follow you around until you have a couple of new, positive experiences to replace them.

Breaking the habit of being fearful takes a little practice. Your old scared self has not yet seen what your new prepared self is capable of achieving. If you are completely prepared, your anxiety probably stems from a sense that someone other than you is in control. Someone else is judging you and you're not sure you're giving them what they want

Do I look nervous? Will I say the wrong thing? What if I forget what I know? What if I just clam up and can't talk? What if someone better than me interviews for this job?

How fear hurts you. You can solve this problem if you understand how fear works. The scared part of you is weak. All it can do is stop you from executing your plan. That's what really scares us all: the possibility that we will fail to do what we prepared for and envisioned. This possibility can be terrifying, especially if you have planned and rehearsed everything you were going to say in the interview. That makes everything vulnerable to failure. What if you screw up everything you planned and rehearsed?

Well, what if you shift gears and don't try to do anything you planned or rehearsed? This is not as crazy as it sounds. I use this technique to control the beginning of meetings all the time. It works. You can outwit your scared self with spontaneity. Here's how.

Take control (and relax) by speaking first. Start your meeting by making the interviewer talk. Interviewers typically allow time at the start of a meeting for casual conversation. They're trying to relax you. Take advantage of this. Most job candidates sit like cornered mice, waiting for the interviewer to start the action. Don't wait for the employer to ask you the first question -- the question that will bring your anxiety to a head. Get the ball rolling on a topic your scared self can't control. Talk about something you know absolutely nothing about, and which your scared self can't screw up.

Ask the interviewer to tell you things that you were not able to unearth in your research. Ask questions about his company, his products, his mission, his problems, or about how he conducts interviews. There's nothing to be scared of, because you don't have to talk. You are letting him perform. In the process, you are learning something new, something that can help you with this interview.

Here are some sample openings:

1. How did your company first get into the business it's in?
2. Your company has a well-respected product line [or service]. Tell me how it earned its reputation.
3. Your company is in a tough business. Tell me what your biggest challenges are today.
4. I'd like to make sure we cover everything that's important to you. Please tell me how you like to structure your interviews.

Since you're trying to avoid the stress of the prepared presentation, fix just one of these questions in your mind. Ask it while the two of you are moving toward your seats, before the meeting actually starts. Think of the interviewer as an old friend who just started a new job. You're dropping by to visit. There's nothing to feel awkward about.

Most interviewers want to help you relax at the beginning of an interview. The more relaxed you are, the more easily they will be able to evaluate you. Anything you do to help them help you will help you both. A few minutes of easy listening will help you get comfortable and learn about the interviewer's personality. It will take the edge off the meeting, and give you a chance to experience a little success.

Success breeds confidence
Your scared self hates anything successful, even something as insignificant as chat. Your scared self will dwindle away as you and the interviewer build a few positive exchanges, no matter how insignificant they seem. As the interviewer begins talking, your interest in what he is saying will take over and you will join in the conversation. You will feel your confidence begin to grow.

Psychological research shows that the anxiety of tackling a significant goal (like winning a job offer) can be lessened if we have the benefit of some initial small successes on the path to the larger goal. This foundation of success, no matter how minor it seems, can be critical and it can be empowering. A friendly discussion can start building that foundation of success.

If you are good at your work, you can be good at interviewing. An interview is a showcase for your most powerful skills. Focus on demonstrating them in the interview. You will be in familiar waters. After all, an interview is all about what you are very good at: your work. So, don't compete with yourself. Be prepared, and be ready to take control.

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